whelp...tuesday night we decided to continue with friend/hang-out plans but then just kinda jump in the car and get on our way after we were done. we quick packed up and were able to get on the road at 10pm. we did pretty good...only stopping a few times...took turns 'resting' for a little bit...we made it into janesville at 3am...with the snow. we're sure glad we decided not to wait until morning to get going...the stang and snow don't mix..... 

why are we still outside? we could be in bed... (i look like i'm half there already) 

a fun tuesday afternoon with the Pierson kiddos... (Greggory and Ruthie)

"What's that? Is that me?..."

so silly.... :)

ahh...finally calm.... :)

...and they said this is a 'christian' school??

now sound this one out and tell me - did someone screw up here??
SoutHigh Schoolhore Christian Academy

- maybe the coaches better take a little more time when entering high school names.....otherwise...i KNOW someone's gonna get offended....hehehehe...........i added a note about this in the file and then decided the guys probably wouldn't find it funny....so i posted it on here... ok - so it's probably not funny but i'm too tired and cranky to think of anything else.....lata.
jc

Guatemala....con't

well...it won't let me upload any more pics...i'll have to try again later. i was going to finish with the 'real work' pictures. there was more of a reason for us going to Guatemala than just seeing the sights and hanging out with kids (although that was real fun too). all that's to say - the real reason i brought it up is i found out yesterday i might have the chance to go back to Guatemala again this spring break!! how exciting!! so - little trip down memory lane...never hurt anyone right?? enjoy...
jc

the 'Star Wars' photo (Tikal)- except you don't get to see the guard that's standing at the top of the temple with his automatic rifle "guarding" the ruins and making sure no one gets 'hurt' :)
nope - not a post card - we came to find out that if teaching doesn't work out for dr. houston...he could definately find work at a photographer! (beautiful Antigua)
so - no one really decided to change from drinking water to coconut milk...but it was an 'experience' - the hammock on the other hand...i could live in one...hey - maybe THAT'S what i need to get some sleep around here....

lake Atitlan - surrounded by 3 active volcanos - the water is super pure there...so blue and clear - ironically the clean/purest place i've probably ever been (in the dirtiest country i've ever been in)
my girls - juanita and anna - they didn't go anywhere without one another. they weren't sisters by blood - but you couldn't tell by how they acted with one another. surprisingly - the only time they weren't smiling were times when people held up a camera. too bad...but they're still beautiful! :)
'the gang' - man...these boys were trouble. cute...but no where near innocent. but just like the girls...these guys were brothers thru and thru...and they took care of the little girls as well....
ahh...fresh flowers and produce on the steps of the cathedral...(although so were the shamen)...the sweet smells were overwhelming and great at the same time.
i have no clue what a 'canopy tour' was...but i sure do now! it was awesome...our tour guides laughed at us a lot...there was QUITE a language barrier...but they were very gracious as well.

couple more to come...have to start another post i think...too many pics

swiffer anyone??

blah, blah, blah, blah - man, it's only 8pm and i'm toast - i'm exhausted. i'm about to leave and go crash... but this first...

so - lesson # 34 billion or so of the day... hold on. before i get to that-the "lesson of the day" phrase made me think of something...fortune cookies - now there's a dumb idea. we go and have a dinner that we know is going to probably rip us apart later on in the day and finish our meal by opening some strangly folded (yeah - you should know better than to eat a 'cookie' that's been folded) sweet carboard-tasting cookie to find this little slip of paper inside (which is actually probably the real cause for the high price of the meal - afterall, you have to be skilled to cook paper inside a baked-good). everyone waits in anticipation to hear people read about some random thing that could possibly happen to someone, somewhere, if they waited around/lived long enough for it to happen. seriously - why do we care? now - it'd be a different story if the stupid cookies had lessons-of-the-day on there. seriously - you could avoid learning some things the hard way (sounds good to me)...picture this: you sit down to your chop-suey at your favorite local chinese restraunt and open you're cookie to find the words "just so you know - the law says you have to be parked 4 feet away from a driveway" - and you think...shoot...glad someone said something...i'd better get my butt out of her and move my car before i get a flippin ticket. comeon now - that's a whold lot better than hearing "in the future you will make a wise decision that will change your life" and thinking to yourself...well that's all nice to think about but the crappy decision to park too close to the end of the driveway of the house next store this restraunt was a $50 mistake you wish someone/something had warned you about. ok - that all was real dumb...but think about it anyways - unless you have something better to think about...in which case - go right ahead... (but whatever it is i bet you won't find a fortune cookie to give you any sort of answer on the subject)

anyways - a lesson from today (and other days...but i didn't think too much about it till today) - you can't keep people from living their lives...even the stupid ones. just because a person is a jerk...doesn't mean you can or should try to control where they go and what they do. just because they always happen to end up in an inconvient place (a.k.a. - wherever you happen to be) and it makes things awkward - doesn't mean you can expect them to avoid things where you might run into each other. also - evenually, i guess someone has to deal with the awkwardness -otherwise that tension will never go away. i don't know - i guess lately i've bee frustrated with a certain person who is like invading my space - really just showing up places i 'm at and 'making' things uncomfortable. well - i can't control what they do with their lives...i can't keep them from hurting me any more than i can make them love me or be good to me. i know it's true but it makes me sad too. ever taken a look at a broken relationship and finally realized - it's over...i can't fix this?? - it made me want to cry last night. it's easier when you know something's your fault and you can change where things go in the future...it's harder to realize that it's all over and your plans and dreams of your future life aren't going to come true. all that's to say - i need to figure out how to deal with people better - especially those i got too close to. man - it's all messy.

quick - someone hand me a towel...or better yet...get me a swiffer (people on tv are always seeming to have an awesome time cleanin up if they're using it).....

-jenn

plethora...now THAT'S a fun word...plethora...

as in typical fashion - a plethora of subjects for the day/week/whatever....

the last half of my week...my 'follow-thru' week was...well... 'interesting' - i guess that's a good enough way to put it. i started off with a dinner date (no - not a guy sort of 'date') and really it went a whole lot better than i expected. i got to know someone that i think i was supposed to talk to a long time ago. and all in all...i think we could become good friends. i did some more stuff like that dinner - generally following up with people and basically holding up my end of the deal. it's true - i can't control other people's response (or lack of response as it seems to be) but i can control my own actions - whether or not i make an effort. and i guess now i can say i've made that effort. unfortunately, today i think i realized that it all doesn't just stop there with one try - sometimes were asked to go back to people again. anyways - all in all i guess i kinda feel good about my efforts (mainly because i hadn't done it before) but now i'm exhausted - and i kinda feel hurt by some of the lack of response but...guess i could have seen that coming but it's easier to pretend to be 'shocked' than just disappointed. anyways - i don't know if anything i did this week really mattered or not...but i guess that's not the point.

i went home to wisconsin saturday afternoon and stayed until noon on sunday ('quick' trip). i think it was just enough too little of time for me to want to come back (maybe) and enough time for me to appease the parents and enjoy sleeping in my own room. although - there was a dog at our house this weekend. and that's definately weird because my dad is against having almost any kind of pet. but all of a sudden he's decided dog-sitting is ok. well, guess it's ok by me. it was nice to have someone who was 'objective' around the house j/k. my parents and i spent the day in madison and have a pretty good time. we didnt' do a whole lot...but we really didn't need to. i'm not sure why - but it was kind of an awkward experience for all of us. you could feel it - this weird tension that just never really let up. i went home with good intentions and (i think) a good attitude. but for some reason i let disappointed. i don't know what i was expecting to find at home...but whatever it was...i left without it. maybe i am expecting too much from my parents...or maybe i'm expecting something to happen without work on my part. hmmm...that could be it. or maybe i just get pissed that they can't seem to call me by the right name, or call the right phone number to reach mel (aka - not MINE), or stop talking about mel and what she needs...ok - just a little rant...i'm done now....

family is tough. i love them SO much...but i don't want them to know quite how much i care. i'm not saying that i don't want them to know that i love them at all - just not to the extent that i do. i don't know - maybe i shouldn't get into this subject. that's not really what's most pressing on me today anyways.

today i don't know what my problem is...well - i guess one problem is that i'm exhausted. i'm tired of not being able to sleep right...tired of not being able to turn my brain off or to control the crazy dreams that pop into my head. i mean - i feel stupid for letting them get to me. afterall - i know it's not real. tired of having to struggle thru talking to my mom - who now calls or contacts me in some way on a daily basis to tell me that my potential plans for the future are wrong and what i really should do with my life - that psychology isn't a real decent job field. i want to know that my life means something. i want to know i have a purpose. people talk about being 'gifted' and it's a hard subject for me to handle hearing. people can tell you they think you're gifted but that's scary on so many levels. i can hardly wrap my mind around it sometimes. but even in those times where i can buy that - that God maybe has gifted me in some way - i can't see it...i don't know what that'd be...i don't even know what i'm good at muchless what purpose my life could have - grrr...frustrating.

also - people are just getting to me today. i'd like to make a t-shirt that says something about not asking me how i am unless 1. you want to know 2. you're not going to walk away when i'm mid-sentence 3. you're not really trying to change the subject to yourself 4. you're not going to make fun of the things that i'm concerned about 5. unless you've already spent the better part of each day i see you making fun of every little thing i do. ok...maybe that last part has something more to do than just people in general. but it was just another one of those days where i'm already in a kind of un-stable self-esteem mood and people just decide today just happens to be the day to make you feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

i don't know - i went home feeling real crappy...and lonely...and just generally sad. i don't know what's wrong with me. i just can't seem to pull myself out of it today. ...i was just so filled with anxiety i was kinda shaking and really could have busted out crying for no real reason at all -- sitting at work trying to decide what i was going to do after leaving.... narrowed it down to two options - 1. going home and hiding under the covers til morning or 2. going home and hiding under the covers til morning. tough choice! anyways - i know being in bed is boring enough all night long muchless adding on 5-7 hours...so i didn't go that way...but i still wanted to hide - from what i'm not sure. maybe life, maybe people, maybe myself - probably all of the above. i don't know - i'm tired of being me ( i know i've said that before but it's just as true today). tired of being made VERY aware of my faults and living my stressful, confused, many times anxiety-filled life. there's gotta be more than this. i've tired of worrying about anything and everything. it's not getting me anywhere. and i'm tired of being sad for no aparent reason...ugh - i'll stop complaining...

tomorrow's gotta be a better day - right??
-jc

yay leaves!

here's to simpler times...

i love fall....

ready, set, go...or more like....ready, set, try....

note to self (kinda) :
new plan for the week....thought i'd put it on here so maybe i can try and keep myself accountable (much easier when in print and not just in my head i think). this week (well, i'm hoping for a whole week but it may just be the next couple days) is going to be "follow-up/thru" week. i'm going to follow up with people who have made comments like "i don't know you let's fix that sometime, let's talk sometime, i've got a lot of questions...etc," try to get some papers written, figure out the mess going home has turned out to be, run (because i decided that if i'm serious about not wanting to be rebellious anymore -as stupid as it may sound - i think i should start with making up for the soccer/soda rule and fulfill my end of the "deal", and last but not least, setting aside time for things i need to take a good amount ("good amount" because it's been way lacking with a couple issues for a decent amount of time) of time in prayer about. so...this all starts tonight at dinner and i can't tell whether i'm excited or nervous. guess i shouldn't really care...but you know me. so - i guess here goes nothing....or everything.
love,
jenn