today's been strange...nothing seems steady or clear. i've had two great weekends in a row and today i crashed - rushed with so many different thoughts, emotions, ideas...etc. and now, i'm getting ready to head off to my next 'adventure' - camp starts tomorrow morning (actually it's "this" morning now...wow, it's getting late) and i'm rushing all around trying to get everything i need (only had today to get anything together...have only known about it a couple days - plus they sent me this ridiculous 36 PAGE booklet about rules and other stuff about the camp i'm supposed to be "familiar" with when i get there...yikes)...
anyways - the confrence this weekend was SO GREAT i can hardly believe that i almost didn't want to go. i had forgotten how much i liked hearing the speakers until i got there and was overwhelmed by it all...getting to sit and soak it all in...priceless. it was kinda difficult to let myself relax being with my family - and so much i wanted to be able to process with another person and share...kinda overwhelming in my head.
so, i got back last night and was totally exhausted...woke up this morning and couldn't wait for the chance to call up some people and tell them all that i had/am learning, ideas, good words...i don't know...just a lot of great stuff. unfortunately...i ran into busy people... and not that it's the biggest deal in the world or anything...but i was just real disappointed. i think maybe it's something to try and discourage me about relationships and maybe cause some questions about the truths from the weekend...but i'm not going to let myself go there...not this time...for some reason i feel like this time i have more to lose. guess i'm going to try and allow myself to be excited (sometimes when i don't get the chance to share something that's going on in my life that i'm excited about i start to think i'm wrong for caring...but maybe not this time...i'm gonna try).
when i get back from camp i'd love to process this stuff from the weekend more. i need some sort of outlet...and i guess maybe this will be it - and maybe it'll be enough. i'm sure it'd at least be good to have some of it written out (sometimes i have a bad memory for the "good stuff" - know what i mean?)
i wish i had more time tonight...i'm afraid if i even tried getting into some of it i wouldn't have time to finish it...and that's be an awkward place to be...better to hold it in. i'm trying to finish packing and it's not going so well - so worried i won't be 'prepared' that i have next to nothing finished. why do i worry so much? i'm going to have everything i need even if i forget something i thought i needed. whelp...i'm going to have to get up early and finish.
off to bed...leaving tomorrow morning and get back friday afternoon...i'm a little scared but also fully believe this is where i'm supposed to be this week and good things are in store -- no hidding (more about that to come)...have a great week!! i will miss you (all 3 of you who read this...haha - now there's drawing a crowd...)
jenn
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Thanks for calling yesterday!! I'm glad that you enjoyed the conference! I meant to ask you about the second interview for the place in Madison (madison, right?) but I was so sleepy. Anyway, it was great to hear from you despite my sleepiness (I could barely keep my eyes open all day - comes from sleeping on an air bed...). Keep persevering!! Love, Tiff
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