Here We Go - Back Up and Running :)

Ok – Hi :) So, I’ve had a new computer for a week now…and no writing. I apologize – I’m working on fixing that right now – but I don’t know how it’s gonna go. We’ll see – no more promises of “things to come” …playin it by ear.

So, I thought the easiest way to start this whole update deal is probably with pictures. I think it’s gonna take me a little bit to get back into the swing of things and get to some good stories. So, here goes…I guess the biggest news right now is about my new job. I didn’t get the Epic job and was pretty crushed when I found out. Honestly, I didn’t even have an answer or something planned out to say in the event that they didn’t give me the job. I was unprepared…and that NEVER happens…well, I try to not let it happen anyways. But yeah, they told me know and I stammered out something stupid about “appreciating” them getting back to me. I don’t know. But, anyways, that night I talked to some people about my new job-less and option-less state and they were sympathetic. And that was nice. But, it didn’t stop there. Instead, I got a phone call the next day from my friend Sue. She told me the family that offered me a nanny job back in July (when I was SO SURE I had the Epic job) was still looking for someone and still wanted to talk to me. Long story short…I went to their house (the whole situation ended up being REAL comical which made things more relaxed I guess…thank Isaac:) and …So, I’m moving back to Greenville in 3 days. I’m going to take an online masters class – towards my MSW (it’s good enough to keep me on insurance which will be a big blessing – and really it looks like it’ll be pretty interesting).

So, that brings up a little stress here in the life of me. I’m excited to be moving back to Greenville – and afraid all at the same time. I don’t know – besides the somewhat “normal” fears about not being good at the job or not liking the job, I’m also worried about other stuff – stupid I’m sure…but I’ll lay a little bit of it out. Here are the main questions in my head – what if I can’t deal with life and not go back to old ways in this new situation? How do I find accountability (really – the last time sort of just fell in my lap)? Logistics about being a nanny – how to get into a routine, do’s/don’ts/etc…How am I going to figure it out? Am I pathetic for moving back to Greenville (is it a step backwards)? And some relationships are a little weird with a couple GC people – I don’t know what I did wrong or how to fix things – I’ve asked but they won’t talk to me about it…so…what to do there? How do I follow thru with people long distance (leaving in the middle of someone else’s crisis – how to “be there” when I’m not physically there”)?

Guess that’s most of it. I don’t know – guess I’m just sad…and that makes me feel stupid. I finally get what I thought I wanted (to leave and go back to “safe” Greenville – but I’m not sure it’s “safe” anymore) and now I’m not sure I want what I’m getting. Does that make sense? Who knows – I’m sure once I get down there things will calm down and I’ll settle in – though I wish I knew the family I’m living with a little better. I’ve heard they’re great people – and I’m sure they are – but I’m a little afraid they won’t like me or things will be “weird.” Guess it’s not going to change anything. I mean, I’ve committed to coming…so that’s what I’m going to do – I’m just scared of the unknown I guess….

JC