Getting too overwhelmed lately and sort of lost in myself…I’m trying to dive back into being busy, and specifically church things…that’s good stuff to get involved in and gets me out and with people…right? Well, the women’s bible study has been SO good for me to go to. I get to drop off Isaac, where he has a lot of fun with his friends…and I get to talk to people who know what I’m dealin with. They never minimize what I’m struggling with, tell me about how they can relate from their past experiences and then advice about how they got thru it. So yeah, I don’t know them real well, and they don’t really know me…but I think I might want to keep feeling things out and risking it a little more each week. I don’t know…
I realized Sunday that there’s more going on with me than just being overwhelmed by my job…there’s something more that needs to change…I need to change and knock away at some old crap I thought I was done with. Someone had a picture for me on Sunday and it really made sense to me. I have some stuff to pray about in regard to certain aspects of the picture…but I’ve been struggling to stay focused and quiet myself enough to hear. I’m REAL distracted and there’s a lot of noise going on in my head…anyways – if you think about it – I’d appreciate prayer. Ok…well, I’ve spent PLENTY of time on here…I should go for now.
O, and I almost forgot…I GET TO GO HOME TOMORROW!! WOOHOO!! I’m not sure I’ve ever been this excited to spend the weekend with my fam :) it’s going to be a short trip ( I get done watching Isaac around 430 and will have to be back around 6pm Sunday…but it will be good. I wish the youth group was going to be around…but this weekend is convention…it’ll be enough to be in my own bed :)
All for now…
jc
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Mike and Shelly's Wedding
whelp, i wanted to post pics of my cousin's wedding a while ago...and since this is my one night in three weeks i've had more than a few mins to post...here they are...it was BEAUTIFUL and made me sad that i don't know my extended family very well...i'm working on fixing that...
what a BEAUTIFUL day!!
my cousin mike and his new bride shelly :)
what a BEAUTIFUL day!!
my cousin mike and his new bride shelly :)
cousin LeeAnn and her daughter Macey (Macey's had a LOT of red punch tonight)
bestman - my cousin steve...partyin it up :)
4 weeks...still employed...and still alive :)
let me begin with a quick note: i've been pretty frustrated lately...but...i DO love my new place, the Pasley's are REALLY good to me, and i love Isaac too...just so ya know...
o, and Raenelle...you wanted some details...so here ya go! :)
Whelp, I guess week #4 is coming to an end. I can’t believe I’ve been working her almost a month now. In some ways the time had totally flown by…and in other ways each day feels REALLY long. It’s been a while since I posted anything of substance…so maybe I’ll give some recaps of the highlights and lowlights of the past couple weeks….
-First week - my first weekend in Greenville was “little pig and apple days.” I was still trying to settle in and hadn’t made a whole lot of connections with people…so I went with the Pasley family. Scott’s kids, Dalton (8) and Kennedy(6), Dana’s parents, Dana’s sister, Isaac and I all headed into town (that’s so funny to say – “heading into town”…haha). Anyways…there were new experiences like sweet potato fries and pepper jelly…and funny stuff like trying to keep an eye on Isaac to make sure he didn’t drop-trow in public :) (we were successful twice – but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go I guess)…then we all headed back for his birthday party. There, I met the rest of the family…what a crew! A little awkward…but fun.
-Second week – my second week was relatively calm and for a second I thought I had a pretty good handle on things. I was trying really hard to get everything balanced out (and personally doing a pretty poor job of it)….so I was real tired and reaching my quota of alone/no-adult-convo time…getting pretty lonely. So, I joined the women’s biblestudy – more on that to come.
- Week three – this is when the real craziness started. I thought by the end of the second week that the time of Isaac testing me and testing boundaries was over. Man, I was SO WRONG! This was the worst – I spent lots and lots of time trying to tune out screaming and crying (I have a lot more patience than I thought I had)…by the end of the week his tactics had changed…he just got ornery. Thursday and Friday everything came to a head. Thursday we had out first little “war” over nap time…not that I didn’t have to work to get him down the other days…but this day was different…things were weird. He started getting out of bed and instead of sneaking around or running away…he made sure to find me and let me know he was not going to stay in bed. I put him back in bed for 2 hours. At one point, I was standing at the doorway and could hear him talking to himself (?)…saying things like “I’m supposed to stay in bed…what? You say I should get out of bed…ok….good idea.” I asked him who he was talking to and he said, “Roger.” Whelp – come to find out…he now has developed an imaginary friend…one who tells him to do bad things…it got a little weird that day. He started talking over his shoulder while I was still in the room…discussing with Roger ways to get around me…he said things like…”that didn’t work…I should try getting out the other side of the bed? Ok…good idea…I’ll try that.” I tried to talk to him about making “good choices”…and he said “Roger doesn’t like your choices. He says you choices are wrong. He doesn’t like you and said he’s gonna get you.” Ahh…a little creepy! I talked to his parents about it and they said that a couple months ago he talked about “a guy” and how they’d be doing something like going down the stairs and Isaac would make them stop and “let the guy go down first.” Roger hasn’t shown up must since then…just occasionally…but…I don’t know what to do about him in the future…
Anyways – Friday was just as bad. Everything was a fight or a crisis…lots of tears…but the tears stopped at nap time. Instead, he got out of bed again and again…laughing and just trying to get a rise out of me. After about 45 mins he asked me to lay down with him and hold him. I finally said “yes” because I just wanted him to stay in bed. So, I laid down with him and told him I was going to sleep – closed my eyes and tried to be still…had my arm around him a little. As soon as I was there he started pushing and kicking…finally said “let go!” and thru himself backwards…our heads connected (I didn’t see it coming – eyes closed)…and I thought I was going to have to go to the doctor. My head hurt so bad and I felt sick…bad deal…but Isaac didn’t seem to notice. I put him back in bed for another half an hour, finally sitting on the bed next to him and cried a little…I couldn’t help it…my head hurt and I was frustrated…he looked at me, laughed, and turned over and went to sleep. AH! Made me so mad! Well, I told his mom and she gave him a snack and said he needed to try to be a better listener…and that was it…no consequences. I almost quit…
- whelp, I didn’t quit…and now I’m here at week 4…it’s been a little better. Last weekend was Homecoming and the first time I really felt like Alumni. I played in the alum soccer game (made me feel old and I’m DEFINITELY out of shape) which was fun…and saw two heartbreaking losses for the men’s and women’s teams that afternoon. Saw lots of good and no so good people from the past…and in the end…Jenyne and Wendell surprised me! I ended up going out with them and Ray and her fiancé - it was a blast and good to have time with friends from the past…in some ways it was like old times…and I liked that we could get back to that :) Sunday night was crazy but good – more on that later…and last night was the “fab 5” birthday party. The are 5 boys at the FM where were born in the month of October, so there parents have been throwing a little combined party for them each year. It was good, cake, lots of juice, balloons, and some little $1 presents (always turn out to be the fav.). today it’s cold and rainy and we haven’t gotten the chance to run off all our energy…so he’s up early from his nap (which means I didn’t get a nap :( but I did get time to write which is good. Tonight I’m hoping to get out and away for a little bit…if this is posted tonight I guess I will have made it out alive :)
o, and Raenelle...you wanted some details...so here ya go! :)
Whelp, I guess week #4 is coming to an end. I can’t believe I’ve been working her almost a month now. In some ways the time had totally flown by…and in other ways each day feels REALLY long. It’s been a while since I posted anything of substance…so maybe I’ll give some recaps of the highlights and lowlights of the past couple weeks….
-First week - my first weekend in Greenville was “little pig and apple days.” I was still trying to settle in and hadn’t made a whole lot of connections with people…so I went with the Pasley family. Scott’s kids, Dalton (8) and Kennedy(6), Dana’s parents, Dana’s sister, Isaac and I all headed into town (that’s so funny to say – “heading into town”…haha). Anyways…there were new experiences like sweet potato fries and pepper jelly…and funny stuff like trying to keep an eye on Isaac to make sure he didn’t drop-trow in public :) (we were successful twice – but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go I guess)…then we all headed back for his birthday party. There, I met the rest of the family…what a crew! A little awkward…but fun.
-Second week – my second week was relatively calm and for a second I thought I had a pretty good handle on things. I was trying really hard to get everything balanced out (and personally doing a pretty poor job of it)….so I was real tired and reaching my quota of alone/no-adult-convo time…getting pretty lonely. So, I joined the women’s biblestudy – more on that to come.
- Week three – this is when the real craziness started. I thought by the end of the second week that the time of Isaac testing me and testing boundaries was over. Man, I was SO WRONG! This was the worst – I spent lots and lots of time trying to tune out screaming and crying (I have a lot more patience than I thought I had)…by the end of the week his tactics had changed…he just got ornery. Thursday and Friday everything came to a head. Thursday we had out first little “war” over nap time…not that I didn’t have to work to get him down the other days…but this day was different…things were weird. He started getting out of bed and instead of sneaking around or running away…he made sure to find me and let me know he was not going to stay in bed. I put him back in bed for 2 hours. At one point, I was standing at the doorway and could hear him talking to himself (?)…saying things like “I’m supposed to stay in bed…what? You say I should get out of bed…ok….good idea.” I asked him who he was talking to and he said, “Roger.” Whelp – come to find out…he now has developed an imaginary friend…one who tells him to do bad things…it got a little weird that day. He started talking over his shoulder while I was still in the room…discussing with Roger ways to get around me…he said things like…”that didn’t work…I should try getting out the other side of the bed? Ok…good idea…I’ll try that.” I tried to talk to him about making “good choices”…and he said “Roger doesn’t like your choices. He says you choices are wrong. He doesn’t like you and said he’s gonna get you.” Ahh…a little creepy! I talked to his parents about it and they said that a couple months ago he talked about “a guy” and how they’d be doing something like going down the stairs and Isaac would make them stop and “let the guy go down first.” Roger hasn’t shown up must since then…just occasionally…but…I don’t know what to do about him in the future…
Anyways – Friday was just as bad. Everything was a fight or a crisis…lots of tears…but the tears stopped at nap time. Instead, he got out of bed again and again…laughing and just trying to get a rise out of me. After about 45 mins he asked me to lay down with him and hold him. I finally said “yes” because I just wanted him to stay in bed. So, I laid down with him and told him I was going to sleep – closed my eyes and tried to be still…had my arm around him a little. As soon as I was there he started pushing and kicking…finally said “let go!” and thru himself backwards…our heads connected (I didn’t see it coming – eyes closed)…and I thought I was going to have to go to the doctor. My head hurt so bad and I felt sick…bad deal…but Isaac didn’t seem to notice. I put him back in bed for another half an hour, finally sitting on the bed next to him and cried a little…I couldn’t help it…my head hurt and I was frustrated…he looked at me, laughed, and turned over and went to sleep. AH! Made me so mad! Well, I told his mom and she gave him a snack and said he needed to try to be a better listener…and that was it…no consequences. I almost quit…
- whelp, I didn’t quit…and now I’m here at week 4…it’s been a little better. Last weekend was Homecoming and the first time I really felt like Alumni. I played in the alum soccer game (made me feel old and I’m DEFINITELY out of shape) which was fun…and saw two heartbreaking losses for the men’s and women’s teams that afternoon. Saw lots of good and no so good people from the past…and in the end…Jenyne and Wendell surprised me! I ended up going out with them and Ray and her fiancé - it was a blast and good to have time with friends from the past…in some ways it was like old times…and I liked that we could get back to that :) Sunday night was crazy but good – more on that later…and last night was the “fab 5” birthday party. The are 5 boys at the FM where were born in the month of October, so there parents have been throwing a little combined party for them each year. It was good, cake, lots of juice, balloons, and some little $1 presents (always turn out to be the fav.). today it’s cold and rainy and we haven’t gotten the chance to run off all our energy…so he’s up early from his nap (which means I didn’t get a nap :( but I did get time to write which is good. Tonight I’m hoping to get out and away for a little bit…if this is posted tonight I guess I will have made it out alive :)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
pics of the new place...
the view out my livingroom window :)
close-up
kitchen
bedroom
livingroom (view from the kitchen)
livingroom (view from the stairs)
pics coming real soon...but i forgot my camera back at the house...i'd go get it except i'm on my way to cheer on the women's soccer team and only had a couple mins to get online (man, did i ever get so sucked into the internet?? i have almost NO time for it now...hahah...excellent...)
jc
p.s. - raenelle...shoot me an email or comment or something...want to know how things are going for ya (i was a little confused by your last two posts...the poems are great but i could use some words too...love ya :) i'll be around this weekend if ya need/want to call.
jc
p.s. - raenelle...shoot me an email or comment or something...want to know how things are going for ya (i was a little confused by your last two posts...the poems are great but i could use some words too...love ya :) i'll be around this weekend if ya need/want to call.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Whelp – it’s been a week and a half since I started my new job here in Greenville…in some ways things are going better and in other ways I feel more lost than ever. I’m starting to get used to being a part of a new family. It was REAL strange at first because I felt like I was almost invading their space (I didn’t know them before I moved in). but now, I guess I’m getting more comfortable sharing space, food, stuff like that. I’m still a little awkward when it comes to evenings. I’m never sure how to act when they come home and take over. On one hand, I’d love to leave right away and go into town to find friends. On the other hand, I don’t want to insult them and disappear every time I’m “off duty”…I also don’t know how to act when I stick around and hang out with them for the evening…it’ll get better I’m sure.
Anyways – personally… I’m feeling pretty lost. The summer was SO long and being without a job really took a toll on me (and I let things slide). Everything just got sort of messy, I made compromises …pretty much I feel like I took some steps backwards…and I hate that. Sometimes I think ‘what the heck is wrong with me? Why do I do these things I don’t want to do?’ I mean, I used to have some major self control…over to the extreme end. I didn’t have any problems not feeling what I didn’t want to feel, not letting anyone bother me, not doing anything I didn’t want to …I don’t know…sometimes I wonder how I jumped from one extreme to the other…and which one is worse?
Well, all I now is that things need to change. I feel like I’m in a hole again…and I’m not sure where to start to get myself out of it. Though, I was reminded the other day that you can only worry about the ‘right now’ and try to get it right…instead of worrying about how many time I will or won’t have messed up from now to whenever.
I guess I figured out one place to start is working on how I spend my “time off.” I need to find ways during my week to get recharged…or at least keep myself out of trouble. I started yesterday by calling a mom I knew (I used to baby sit for a small group on weds. Mornings) and asked about joining the small group she is involved in. She told me I could come and drop Isaac off at the nursery and catch a ride with one of the moms. Now, I thought it was specifically a “mom” group…but I guess it’s a women’s group that happens to be made up of moms…but they said I’m going thru the same sort of challenges as a nanny and that they’d love to have a new perspective. So, it’s final…I’m going to be a part of their group. It’s helps to have some adult women to talk to, to ask questions, and Isaac loves getting to play with his friends in the nursery…works out for everyone (plus, if he’s good, we get to go to McDonalds with the other moms :) I’m also working on maybe spending some more time with people from church…but I haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask people for time yet…baby steps…
Anyways – personally… I’m feeling pretty lost. The summer was SO long and being without a job really took a toll on me (and I let things slide). Everything just got sort of messy, I made compromises …pretty much I feel like I took some steps backwards…and I hate that. Sometimes I think ‘what the heck is wrong with me? Why do I do these things I don’t want to do?’ I mean, I used to have some major self control…over to the extreme end. I didn’t have any problems not feeling what I didn’t want to feel, not letting anyone bother me, not doing anything I didn’t want to …I don’t know…sometimes I wonder how I jumped from one extreme to the other…and which one is worse?
Well, all I now is that things need to change. I feel like I’m in a hole again…and I’m not sure where to start to get myself out of it. Though, I was reminded the other day that you can only worry about the ‘right now’ and try to get it right…instead of worrying about how many time I will or won’t have messed up from now to whenever.
I guess I figured out one place to start is working on how I spend my “time off.” I need to find ways during my week to get recharged…or at least keep myself out of trouble. I started yesterday by calling a mom I knew (I used to baby sit for a small group on weds. Mornings) and asked about joining the small group she is involved in. She told me I could come and drop Isaac off at the nursery and catch a ride with one of the moms. Now, I thought it was specifically a “mom” group…but I guess it’s a women’s group that happens to be made up of moms…but they said I’m going thru the same sort of challenges as a nanny and that they’d love to have a new perspective. So, it’s final…I’m going to be a part of their group. It’s helps to have some adult women to talk to, to ask questions, and Isaac loves getting to play with his friends in the nursery…works out for everyone (plus, if he’s good, we get to go to McDonalds with the other moms :) I’m also working on maybe spending some more time with people from church…but I haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask people for time yet…baby steps…
Thursday, October 05, 2006
*edit* - let me just say, I’m posting these after writing them at home during “nap time” – I was pretty tired and sometimes pretty frustrated by then – so I can’t promise everything will make sense or won’t be crazy…but at least it’s an update…right??
Well, I’m finally getting a chance to write. It would have happened a lot earlier but we don’t have wireless internet yet (so I have to drive to campus to post) and these first couple days I’ve been SO tired that by the time 430 comes I’m pretty much useless…I can’t even think straight. Adjusting to my new job/life in Greenville is proving a bit more difficult than I expected. I knew that things would be different, but I guess I assumed that I’d be so excited to be back “home” that everything would fit together easily. That’s not how it’s going so far. Let me try to explain…here’s a recap of the past couple days:
(wait a minute, I have to take a second to tell how much I love BBC-America…seriously, British humor is my favorite…so dry…the punch-line always left understated or not out-right mentioned…o man…the show on right now is “Keeping Up Appearances” – and I’m having to try so hard to contain my laughter so as not to wake Isaac up…ahh – it’s the highlight of my day…ok – moving on)
So, I moved to Greenville on Saturday – pretty much just moved boxes into the Pasley’s house, met Scott’s other children (Kennedy and Dalton – they come and stay every other weekend), and hung out with the fam.). Sunday I went to church (which was fantastic – mainly because I feel like I “belong” there), did some final shopping with my parents before they headed back to Janesville, met with Scott and Dana to get they’re expectations/rules/advice, and ended the evening at the Filby’s (which felt somewhat awkward – but was still good). And now we come to the first day of nanny-ing.
Well, I had gotten a heads-up from some people (including Scott and Dana) – that when Isaac doesn’t get what he wants he tends to throw huge fits – they’ve decided not to spank, do time-out, or any of that stuff…so they just wait out the tantrum and deal with him when he’s calm again. I don’t know what I was expecting (maybe I thought that I’d be able to keep a handle on things better than other people – stupid pride) but I got a wake-up call Monday. I had NO idea that a child could yell, scream, cry, kick, throw themselves around, and say the same three words over and over and over again for a little over an HOUR straight. Wow. I knew it would be real bad to give in to him…especially the first day…but after 45 mins or so…I started to wonder if I was doing the right thing. And so, now I’m learning new ways to be kind, but firm…and not take words so personally. Learning other stuff too…but those are the main things.
But really, on the other hand, Isaac can also turn around and suddenly be the sweetest, most generous child I’ve ever seen. He’s adorable and says some of the funniest things I’ve heard in a long time. I’m getting used to our new “family breakfast deal” (decided to all meet for breakfast everyday at the same time…good, but early)…at the same time, I’ve started to look forward to Isaac running down the stairs to come let me know it’s time to come up :)
Another highlight involves sleep. Everyone knows I have trouble sleeping a lot…well, I finally have a job that makes me absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. It is such a blessing to be tired, knowing that it’s because I actually did something instead of being tired out of boredom. Also, I haven’t taken a nap in at least 6 years…when it’s hard to sleep at night its pretty much a given that naps don’t happen either. Well, my first day being a nanny, I got Isaac down for a nap and pretty much passed-out on the couch…really I’m taking my “nap time” right now to write this…otherwise I’d probably be ‘out’ today too :) so nice!
Well, I’m finally getting a chance to write. It would have happened a lot earlier but we don’t have wireless internet yet (so I have to drive to campus to post) and these first couple days I’ve been SO tired that by the time 430 comes I’m pretty much useless…I can’t even think straight. Adjusting to my new job/life in Greenville is proving a bit more difficult than I expected. I knew that things would be different, but I guess I assumed that I’d be so excited to be back “home” that everything would fit together easily. That’s not how it’s going so far. Let me try to explain…here’s a recap of the past couple days:
(wait a minute, I have to take a second to tell how much I love BBC-America…seriously, British humor is my favorite…so dry…the punch-line always left understated or not out-right mentioned…o man…the show on right now is “Keeping Up Appearances” – and I’m having to try so hard to contain my laughter so as not to wake Isaac up…ahh – it’s the highlight of my day…ok – moving on)
So, I moved to Greenville on Saturday – pretty much just moved boxes into the Pasley’s house, met Scott’s other children (Kennedy and Dalton – they come and stay every other weekend), and hung out with the fam.). Sunday I went to church (which was fantastic – mainly because I feel like I “belong” there), did some final shopping with my parents before they headed back to Janesville, met with Scott and Dana to get they’re expectations/rules/advice, and ended the evening at the Filby’s (which felt somewhat awkward – but was still good). And now we come to the first day of nanny-ing.
Well, I had gotten a heads-up from some people (including Scott and Dana) – that when Isaac doesn’t get what he wants he tends to throw huge fits – they’ve decided not to spank, do time-out, or any of that stuff…so they just wait out the tantrum and deal with him when he’s calm again. I don’t know what I was expecting (maybe I thought that I’d be able to keep a handle on things better than other people – stupid pride) but I got a wake-up call Monday. I had NO idea that a child could yell, scream, cry, kick, throw themselves around, and say the same three words over and over and over again for a little over an HOUR straight. Wow. I knew it would be real bad to give in to him…especially the first day…but after 45 mins or so…I started to wonder if I was doing the right thing. And so, now I’m learning new ways to be kind, but firm…and not take words so personally. Learning other stuff too…but those are the main things.
But really, on the other hand, Isaac can also turn around and suddenly be the sweetest, most generous child I’ve ever seen. He’s adorable and says some of the funniest things I’ve heard in a long time. I’m getting used to our new “family breakfast deal” (decided to all meet for breakfast everyday at the same time…good, but early)…at the same time, I’ve started to look forward to Isaac running down the stairs to come let me know it’s time to come up :)
Another highlight involves sleep. Everyone knows I have trouble sleeping a lot…well, I finally have a job that makes me absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. It is such a blessing to be tired, knowing that it’s because I actually did something instead of being tired out of boredom. Also, I haven’t taken a nap in at least 6 years…when it’s hard to sleep at night its pretty much a given that naps don’t happen either. Well, my first day being a nanny, I got Isaac down for a nap and pretty much passed-out on the couch…really I’m taking my “nap time” right now to write this…otherwise I’d probably be ‘out’ today too :) so nice!
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