quick update...

A little update…

Isaac has had 3 pretty good days this week – and I’m VERY proud of him!! Unfortunately, some life stuff is distracting me and I need to give him more encouragement and praise for being good. I still don’t feel like I known where my outlets or who my friends are around here…like, who do I call or go to when crappy stuff is happening at home or where something from the past comes back and knocks me down? How to I give “honest,” “real” prayer requests to my women’s bible study group when they don’t really know much about me and I’m afraid of what they will think of me or who they’ll tell? What if I really open up to them and they decide to tell Scott or Dana that I shouldn’t be taking care of their son? This is sort of heavy on my heart tonight because Wednesday is bible study morning. I don’t know. I feel like I have 2 different lives. The one that happens with Isaac and the one that I have to put off and “stuff” until night time (when, lately, my body doesn’t let me forget about it anymore – I’ve woken up every morning at 3am for the past 2 1/2 weeks)…anyways…this is the latest frustration. I’ll give you the summary because I’m sure no one really wants to know the details…but my heart aches…

Yet again, I find myself frustrated and upset by the reality that life isn’t always “fair” like I’d like it to be. I mean, I know “ultimately” I shouldn’t want life to be “fair” because I’m a sinner like everyone else – but I’ve sort of been smacked in the face with a situation that stirs up anger in me that I had stuffed away and forgot was there. I’m supposed to be happy and excited for this former “friend” of mine who’s getting another chance at marriage (it hasn’t even been a year since his wife died) – instead, I’m mad that this person, who hurt me and added another spot on my past that will influence my relationship with my future husband, gets a SECOND chance to get married and have a happy life– something I’ve kinda been struggling with lately (being single). Anyways, I don’t know what to do. I thought I was over the situation that happened, but I’m obviously not. It’s back stuck in my head and invading my dreams…frustration. And I guess something is going to have to change quickly so I can go to the wedding and at least pretend to be happy for him so no one will know something’s weird between us. What a stupid game. Sorry to whine – I’m frustrated that the pictures, words, etc get stuck in my head again and I feel like I can’t stop reliving it. I’ll stop now and maybe post some pics to balance out the negativity??