blah blah blah - work post #1

i'm at work right now. two hours left to go...this is the long stretch of the night. i really like getting all of these hours over interterm...especially since i won't be working nearly as often this next semester. at the same time...41/2-5 hours here behind the desk - just sitting - gets a little long. o well...

i kept saying that i would use this time MWF to update the blog. afterall....what else do i have to do??? but as you can see...up until tonight...that plan wasn't so much put into action. but i'm here now. so, what's been going on in the life of jenn since new years? - a TON. o man...how am i gonna start this? well, i guess i can cover the first two weeks of interterm by saying - it sucked relationship wise...but things are turning around...lots of relationship drama...but what's new right? moving on....

so, i'm back at school now...interterm is going alright and i like my class for the most part. there's a lot of swimming...but it helps me not to feel like a lazy slug (ewww). the class was going pretty smooth until i hurt my back. stupid diving games (my own fault really) - and so now i'm walking around like i'm 80 and probably complaining just as much. the good part of the deal...well i guess good and bad...is that i got some muscle relaxers and T3's out of the deal. the dumb part is that i didn't even ask for the T3's. really i thought i would try not messing with any more of that stuff...but it keeps coming back to me. ooo...speaking of which...i think they may have just started to kick in...who knows what may happen now with this post. (i'll probably re-read it tomorrow and laugh). anyways, long story short...i have painkillers again and i'm not sure how i feel about that. (man - i always worry about the length of these things - but who cares - i'm gonna dive right into that subject (note to self - be careful what you say when you're on painkillers - you tend to lose your filter))

ok - so pain pills. anyone who really knows me has heard at least a short story about me and prescription drugs. the long and short of it is....i like them...a lot....especially when i'm not really injured. with that said - i haven't used those kind of pills "inappropriately" for about 10 months (i think) and in the last 2 months i've basically tried to be real careful even keeping them around me. i had them for a long time with my finger injury - i think it was 3 months. it was hard but kind of good to finally have them gone a few weeks ago. then i get hurt again (pretty soon after getting rid of the first set of pills) and that seems weird to me. but this is a legit injury so i should be ok with having the meds. here's something else that's kinda ironic. T3's are my favorite painkiller of all time. those are the ones i used to crave the most and had the most "fun" with. and now...when i'm trying to change things - that's what i get? that's weird to me. in some ways i'm glad to have them because i like how they make me feel (the side affects suck...but...whatever). i don't know what i'm trying to say. wait...yes i do. i'm sick of feeling broken and down and then having temptation thrown in my face. it's like a dare...and a dare is something that makes me SO angry. sometimes i feel like i'm learning/stretching a lot...and i know many times i need to fall on my face and get to a low place to be where i need to be to learn. i guess it shouldn't surprise me that, that situation is the perfect time to be attacked. it's the whole idea of "hit em while they're down." but i guess i just have some sort of irrational idea that things should be 'fair' and that doesn't seem fair to me. ok...i think i need to start a new post on this whole "fair" idea. i'll conclude with this - i am sick and tired of being sick and tired (hmmm...i think i remember that being in a song...but who knows...everythings getting a little trippy :} ) i hate this blog becoming a place to complain ...but for real...there are a lot of good things going on in life too. just lately they haven't been as exciting to talk about as the "bad/rough" things. guess it shouldn't matter whether a good thing is exciting or not. but o well...i'll try to work on being more positive - haha....maybe tomorrow :) - - - -ok...onto the idea of "fairness" - this should be good...or bad...i don't know....possibly ridiculous....
jenn