Time is Running Out....

ok guys...here's the deal. i need to make the decision about whether or not to try for this OCS deal (army) or not...and i need to make it REAL soon. my recruiter is breathing down my neck and doesn't understand why i need time to consider all the options. he told me that i would be stupid to pass up the money that's involved...and his words were "you'll be making a considerable amount more this way. what more do you need?" well, i'm not saying that the money wouldn't be nice to have. with all my student loans it would be SO helpful..but...i don't know. here's the recap of the situation (although i'm sure you could just read the previous entry from november...but...here goes) so, the positives are - more money, more responsibility, leadership training, other possible perks like choice of station (where). possible negatives - unless i'm in the top 10% of ocs i don't get to pick my job, increased commitment time. so, i don't know what to do. one thought has kind of stuck in my head this whole time. i've mainly been focusing on my job - whether or not i could 'secure' it before going in. but here's the thought - maybe i'm not supposed to pick my job. i don't know...i guess i believe that whatever the situation...God is going to have me wherever he wants me. he's in control...not me. maybe that's my problem. i want to leave all of my life and my future in his hands - but i'm scared. i guess...i would never say that i do not believe that God has my best in mind and that if i give him control he will take care of me. so, i guess i assume that means i believe the opposite. (don't think that made sense...but i mean ....i think i believe something simply because i would never say that i didn't believe it) anyways, i don't really live like i believe -that i'm not in control and/or shouldn't be.

...so yeah...i wonder if this decision is such a big deal to me because i want to be secure. i want to have my future go my way. i want to be able to know where i'm going and what i'll be doing. if i take the ocs deal -which i'm not even guarenteed to graduate- i leave a big part of my future totally in God's hands. i don't know...it's really scary to think that i would only know what i'm doing or where i'm going for the next 3 months and know that the rest will be decided for me and whatever the decision is...i'll HAVE to do it. ok...guess that's enough rambling on this subject for now. but...overall...guys....i'd like to know your opinnion on the deal. i'm not saying that i'm going to let other people make the decision for me...but i'd like some other people's perspectives on the deal. would appreciate you leaving a comment or emailing. thanks...
luv ya guys,
jenn